Monday, May 21, 2007

Lost ark found - contains KJV bible!

Earlier this week, the United States Army stunned the world by disclosing an amazing discovery. General David Spellman told reporters that while on routine patrol, some soldiers in Iraq stumbled upon the Lost Ark of the Covenant. Spellman said, "Our young men were hunting for insurgents in what appeared to be an underground bunker. They were close to the ancient city of Babylon. When the soldiers burst through an old door, they came across a large stone container. They opened it, and there was the ark!"

The ark was rushed to the "Green Zone" in Baghdad. The U.S. and Israel are reportedly negotiating on a transfer of the Ark to a secret location in Jerusalem.

General Spellman further shocked the world with the following statement. "You reporters all know what that Hebrews 9:3-4 says, 'Behind the second curtain was a second section called the Most Holy Place, having the golden altar of incense and the ark of the covenant covered on all sides with gold, in which was a golden urn holding the manna, and Aaron's staff that budded, and the tablets of the covenant.' Well, when we opened the ark, we found one other thing. We found an original copy of the King James Version (KJV) Bible."

The news of this find has shocked the English-speaking Christian world. Tommy Daniels, pastor of Independent Bible Church of Dothan, Alabama said, "We have been saying for years that the KJV was the real bible, and now here's proof. We can finally get rid of all those other fake bibles like the NIV, NKJV, and Message. Our kids will be safe from error. God has saved for us a perfect copy of His Word."

The find of the KJV is having far-reaching implications. Jewish leaders do not know what to do with Matthew through Revelation. Protestant leaders are wondering what to do with their non-KJV versions of the bible. Bible publishing houses such as Zondervan are facing huge drops in NIV and Message sales. In fact the only group not affect by this find appears to be the Catholic church. According to Pope Benedict, "The Catholic faith has never let the bible interfere with how we do things, and we are not about to let this find change that. The Holy Scriptures are too difficult for any man to interpret."


Brother Slawson said...

Too funny... took me 20 seconds to stop laughing after I read the title... before I could finish reading the rest.

Religion Roundtable said...

Bro. Slawson,

I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. We've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of many of the Tominthebox articles. I think our favorite is probably NetFinney.

Thanks for inspiring us!