Democrats oppose abstinence - cite virgin birth

Democrats in the House of Representatives report that they will allow abstinence education funding to expire in June. Despite outcry from conservative Republicans, the Democratic leadership seems determined to do away with all abstinence education programs in public schools.

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House, told the media last week, "All the research studies that the Democratic party has funded have come back with the same results. We have found that abstinence education programs do not reduce either the rate of pre-marital sex or teen pregnancy."

Pelosi was then asked by a reporter about other research studies that showed opposing results. The Speaker dismissed those studies as part of the "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy."

Pelosi then surprised everyone in the press with the following statement. "I don't see why all of these conservative Christians are so upset about this. Don't they know their bibles? Look in the book of Luke. The bible says that a virgin gave birth to a child. If Mary was a virgin, she had therefore been abstinent. But what happened? She still got pregnant. You see, even the bible shows us that abstinence cannot and does not stop unwanted pregnancies."

Harry Reid, Democratic Majority Leader in the Senate, agrees with Pelosi, and added the following. "We are also concerned about jobs. If kids really did start being abstinent, we would have no need for Planned Parenthood. What are we going to do? We can't put all of those hard-working Planned Parenthood employees out of work. Let's be honest. Our culture needs teenagers to be having pre-marital sex. It keeps people working."