Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Baby rejects infant baptism - leads to brawl

QUEENS, NEW YORK - In what is believed to be a first, a baby within the Orthodox Church
In America
has rejected infant baptism.

This past Sunday was supposed to be a joyous occasion at St. Timothy's Cathedral in Queens. Joseph and Ruth Worchewicz were looking forward to the baptism of their infant son, Michael. Everything was going according to plan as they handed their baby over to Priest David Polashowski.

The Orthodox Church fully immerses its infants because, they say, the Greek word baptidzo means "I immerse." Desiring to be consistent with the bible, the Orthodox Church puts its infants completely under water in a brass tub. They reject the sprinkling of the Catholic Church.

As Priest Polashowski lowered young Michael into the tub, an amazing thing happened. As can be seen clearly in the picture above, Michael reached out his right hand and grabbed the edge of the basin. As the priest tried to push Michael down into the basin, the infant seemed to grab on even tighter.

Religion Roundtable has learned that at that point the priest seemed dumbfounded. Not knowing what to do, he placed his hand over the baby's face (see the picture above) and shoved downward. This was more than Mr. Worchewicz could handle. He reportedly jumped into the middle of the situation to grab his baby son. While doing this, Mr. Worchewicz knocked the priest to the floor.

It is difficult to determine exactly what happened next; we have no pictures of it. Conflicting reports indicate that either Mr. Worchewicz or Priest Polashowski threw the first punch. After that, as they say, "the game was on." The large contingent of the Worchewicz family battled with the church leaders for 7 to 10 minutes. Many punches were thrown, few actually landed, and many icons were destroyed.

Neither the family nor the cathedral would comment on the incident.

However, Baptists were happy to jump into the fray. Frank Page, president of the Southern Baptist Convention, said, "This is what can happen when infants are baptized. Some of these young ones somehow know deep down that it is wrong. They sense that they need to repent and believe before they are baptized. This young infant in Queens found a way to fight back."

There is no word yet as to what baby Michael might do if his parents attempt to have him circumcised.


Satire and Theology said...

They sense that they need to repent and believe before they are baptized. This young infant in Queens found a way to fight back."

Yes, I witnessed an infant baptism at an Orthodox church recently, as a guest. The baby was sitting there in the buff, with people flashing cameras like it was the Oscars or something. My Baptist friend, when informed of this event, thought the kid should have had some clothes on.

Religion Roundtable said...

It's too bad the infants can't speak. I'll bet none of them like the dunking process.