Church follows scripture, narrows door

BOSTON, MA - St. Luke's Episcopal Church of Boston has recently remodeled its entrance. That alone is not newsworthy. However, the reason for the construction project seems a bit surprising.

Father Samuel Anderson, Vicar of St. Luke's, told Religion Roundtable, "Our denomination has been straying from the scriptures for some time now. We have openly gay bishops here in the USA. What will be next? Our church decided to go back to the bible."

What the folks at St. Luke's found amazed them. Anderson stated, "Jesus gave us many commands that we simply were not following. Scripture is clear that we must obey to prove that we are saved. We decided to start with the front door of our church."

The construction effort is founded on the church's new mission statement. It is based on Luke 13:24 which says, "Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able."

"In light of verse 24," said Vicar Anderson, "we knew we had to redesign our front door. After all, how could anyone enter through a 'narrow door' when our door was so wide? We certainly did not want to be a stumbling block to others."

As you can see in the above picture, St. Luke's has not only narrowed the entrance, but has also shortened it. What's the purpose in this?

Vicar Anderson again, "We also want to avoid pride at all costs. Proverbs 29:23 tells us, 'One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.' We want to encourage this. Our short and narrow door now serves two functions: we obey the command to enter through the narrow door, and we bow before the Lord as we enter to worship."

So far the only complaints within the church have come from several folks who are gravitationally challenged (fat). Eli Weight told RR, "I really want to go to church, but I just can't get through the front door anymore. Last week, we tried to grease the sides of the door, but it just didn't work. Some folks at St. Luke's have told me this means I have lost my salvation. Now I just don't know what to do!"

When asked about Mr. Weight, the Vicar reassured us, "We will soon be starting a Jenny Craig program at the church. At the beginning of the class, the participants will be allowed to enter through the truck service entrance at the back of the building."